How Can I Get My Son to Stop Throwing his Life Away and Become a Decent Man? he is ruining his life?

Feb 15

I really need some form of advice as to how I can help my youngest son who is 24, he’s throwing his life away and has no motivation whatsoever and it’s killing me and my wife to see him living the way he is.

Ok, to start my son is a high school dropout, he dropped out at the age of 16 and it devastated me and my wife, but even before then there were a lot of problems, he was smoking pot, drinking, having sex and behaving bad, he even got arrested a few times and at the age of 17 he spent 60 days in a minimum security juvinile detention center. Me and my wife thought that would change him but it didn’t, when he got out all he did was spend all day at home playing video games and at night he would just go out with friends, I assume to drink and do drugs and have sex. All this really killed me on the inside because when he was younger I had such hope for him.

Now he continued to live with us for more years and get supported by us, every bone in my body wanted to kick him out but I couldn’t, I just thought he would maybe change and just needed time but he didn’t. Anyway about 2 years ago I told him he had 2 weeks to leave my house or I would call the police on him, I told him he could take everything in his room and that I had gotten him a one bedroom apartment and that one months rent was paid for, but after that he was on his own, so the 2 weeks came and he did leave, he said he would never speak to me again but I still gave him 10,000 dollars to get started on, I thought this would make him grow up, but again I was mistaken and underestimated him.

So what he did was start begging his sister to support him and against my wishes she did, I don’t understand why, I told her my reasons for what I did, but she said she couldn’t turn her back on him, I stopped speaking to her after that, because all my son continued to do was the exact same thing, he drank all day, partied at night and didn’t try to get a job.

So to make a very long story short, Lucas started dating an older woman about 8 months ago, she is 49 years old, jesus old enough to be his mother, and as always Lucas manipulated her into buying him stuff, and supporting him, but of course he still took money from his sister, this devastated me and his mother, all I ever wanted for him was to be a good decent hard working man and to one day have a family, but he doesn’t seem to be showing any signs of that, and about a 3 months ago, Lucas called me out of the blue and started insulting me, he said he never loved me and that he was now moving in with his 49 year old girlfriend Miranda, and that she was gonna support him forever, this phone call really saddened me, the things he said to me were unthinkable and the arrogance of what he said was baffling to me, all he is doing is using this poor woman for his needs, and he is succeeding, so since I was curious after that I hired a private investigator to look into Lucas and tell me what he was up to.

So, as I imagined, ever since Lucas moved in with this woman, all he has been doing all day is drinking, going to bars, going to the mall, and I wasn’t even surprised that he was cheating on her with a younger woman, this angered me to the core, I always wanted so many good things for my son and I gave him everything, and now I’m realizing that he’s nothing more than a common sociopath.

I confronted this woman and told him what I found out about him and how he really was, and she told me that she didn’t care and she loved him, I think that she is just lonely and wants to stay with him because she can control him with money, but what’s happening is that he is controlling her. Afterwards I tried to go talk to my son, and it went bad, all he did was laugh in my face and when I trying persuading him he just insulted me and left.

What can I do here? despite everything, me and my wife love him very much and wish for him to have a fulfilling life, all he does all day is drink, go shopping, play video games, and cheat on his new girlfriend, all while mooching off of her and still taking money from my daughter. I want him to get an education, a job, a family, to be someone in this life, not some sleazy sociopath taking advantage of a wealthy older woman.

What advice can you give me? I’m really sorry it’s so long

Shoot him – metaphorically speaking, people like him are what is wrong with this country let alone world. You failed in some way, and he failed in others. He is now dead to you and you never had him, it is easier to forget him then it is for him to become something. What you should’ve done when he hit high school and beat him when he started acting up, but you pussy footed around and now look at where he is.

I’m a 21 year old man, I fucked up in high school and had a coming to Jesus talk with my family which end with me a bloody nose and knowing not to fuck up again, Now i’m an engineering student at Purdue with a 3.3gpa.

You try and tell me my father did wrong.

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How Can I Get My Son to Listen to Me and Stop Throwing Away his life? He is ruining it and I’m so disappointed?

Feb 13